by Kelly Roberson, MA, LCMHCA, NCC
In times of trouble, we seek out safety and security. There is safety in being heard; we feel a bit more grounded and understood when someone listens to our pain. First let me say, it would be fair to maintain that most individuals have not been taught effective skills to process emotional pain. Well-meaning friends, family, and spiritual leaders stifle the process by encouraging others to “look on the bright side” and “focus on the positive.” Often, after a natural disaster, government agency leaders are quick to inspire the community by declaring, “We will rebuild!”
Although it is helpful to be optimistic, it is not necessarily the first step along the healing journey. In theory, we believe our Heavenly Father knows our thoughts, yet somehow, we hope he might not find out about the brewing resentment and deep sorrow we carry – because shouldn’t we just get over it? We mask painful emotions through duty, politeness, and productivity leaving us feeling numb, unsafe, and disconnected. In contrast, scripture offers a powerful prayer blueprint to process pain called lament. Mark Vroegop defines biblical lament as “a prayer in pain that leads to trust” (2019).
A Powerful Blueprint – the Elements of Lament
Biblical lamenting brings comfort by completing a type of communication sequence. Let me explain. We are not just laying down a complaint – we’re having a conversational prayer (healthy communication) that builds relationship with our Abba Father. The sequence includes four elements: (1) an address to God, (2) a complaint, (3) a request, and (4) an expression of trust and/or praise (Vroegop, 2019). Part of the human experience is the need to feel heard, understood, and known. Neurologically, feeling heard fosters a sense of safety. Aside from our basic physiological needs of food, water, warmth, and rest – safety is also a basic human need. After that, our psychological needs such as love and belonging bring a sense of connection. God created us for connection. It would then make sense that through lament we find safety and comfort. The practice of lament provides a blueprint for voicing our concerns and complaints to God with the result being a deeper trust in Him.
Finding Comfort through Lament
We find examples in scripture of finding comfort through lament. One example is from David found in Psalm 69:1-3, 16, “Save me, O God! For the waters have come up to my neck. I sink in deep mire, where there is no standing; I have come into deep waters, where the floods overflow me. I am weary with my crying; my throat is dry; my eyes fail while I wait for my God… Hear me, O Lord, for Your lovingkindness is good; turn to me according to the multitude of Your tender mercies.”
Even our Lord Jesus Christ gave us a chilling example in Matthew 27:46, “And about the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, “Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?” that is, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?” Then in verse 50 from the Amplified version reflects Jesus’ declaration of trust (element #4), “And Jesus cried out again with a loud [agonized] voice, and gave up His spirit [voluntarily, sovereignly dismissing and releasing His spirit from His body in submission to His Father’s plan]. There are times when we do not see, times when we will have to walk by faith, not by sight. Hebrews 11:1 says, "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen”.
Voicing our complaints and concerns while binding them to God’s character provide comfort in times of trouble. Understanding the character of God brings confidence when we implement the fourth element of lamenting. Here are a few examples:
Elohim: Strong One, Mighty One
El Shaddai: Mountain
El Elyon: the Most High God
El Olam: the Everlasting God
El Roi: the God Who Sees
Jehova Jireh: The Lord will Provide (Genesis 22:14)
Jehovah Nissi: The Lord our Banner (Exodus 17:15)
Jehovah Shalom: The Lord our Peace (Judges 6:24)
Jehovah Raah: The Lore our Shepherd (Psalms 23:1)
Jehovah Tsidkenu: The Lord our Righteousness (Jeremiah 23:6)
Jehovah Shammah: The God Who is There (Ezekiel 48:35)
Prayer: Dear Heavenly Father, at times you feel so far away, my heart aches for those I have lost, my body grows weary; renew a right spirit within me, fill my cup with wisdom, joy, and energy. You are the Lord who sees me, you are the God who is there for me - you cover me with your banner of victory! You are the everlasting God and my Peace! Amen
By Kelly Roberson, MA, LCMHCA, NCC
References: Vroegop, M. (2019). Dark clouds, deep mercy: Discovering the grace of lament. Crossway.
